Funny quotes about Santa Claus with funny pictures

This is a funny picture with the best funny quotes about Santa Claus that I have read.
Funny pictures with funny quotes about Santa Claus.Really funny quotes!

Funny quotes about life

Funny quotes and sayings about life can be a great way to forget your troubles.Bellow you'll find few of the best funny life quotes.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Never hire a color blind electrician.

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.

Life is so unlike theory.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

Funny quotes and sayings

Looking for fun?Funny quotes and sayings are maybe one of the best choices for having fun and smiling!

God,if there is any work around me..please remove it!!

Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles."

Beat the 5 o’clock rush – Leave work at noon.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows!

Funny sayings

Have fun and smile with funny sayings!

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Funny quotes with photo

Funny quotes with funny photo.
Funny quotes with funny photo for funny avatar and wallpapers

Funny friendship quotes

Let's have fun with these funny friendship quotes:

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.

The best time to make friends is before you need them.

Friendship is like money, easier made than kept.

Really funny quotes

Below are few really funny quotes,maybe the best funny quotes that I have read!Have fun!

A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather.It moved to Finland. Now Santa Clause is missing!

All men are idiots and I'm married with their King!

Some people are only alive because it is ilegal to shoot them!

Sex isn't the answer! "Yes" is the answer!

Funny quotes with funny photo

One of the best funny quotes with a funny photo,made in GIMP.
Really funny quotes for a funny photo with funny quotes

Funny sayings

Have fun with short funny sayings:

Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat. 

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Funny quotes with photo

A funny quotes about money,changed in a funny photo:
Funny quotes for a funny photo with funny quotes

Funny quotes to make you smile

Short funny quotes which make you smile:

You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. 

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

Funny famous quotes

Funny famous quotes by Voltaire:

I hate women because they always know where things are.

Business is the salt of life.

Better is the enemy of good.

When it is a question of money, everybody is of the same religion.

History is only the register of crimes and misfortunes.

Really funny avatar

This is a really funny avatar for coffee lovers!Funny pictures with funny quotes for a funny avatar made in GIMP.
Enjoy and have fun!
Funny avatar with funny quotes!Really funny avatar or funny wallpapers!

Funny avatar with funny quotes

A funny photo with funny quotes for funny avatar or funny cool wallpapers,made by me in GIMP.
Funny pictures for funny avatar or funny wallpapers

Funny famous quotes by Steven Wright

Funny famous quotes bt Steven Wright:

Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said,”Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so… he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking”, but I don’t have that much time.

I mixed this glass of water myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don’t trust anybody!

I’m moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes…

Funny jokes about cats

Two funny jokes about cats:

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.
Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$350."
"$350 to tell me my dog is dead?!" exclaims the man.
"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $300 was for the cat scan."

Funny avatar and wallpapers

A funny avatar and wallpapers with funny quotes,made by me in GIMP.Have fun with this funny photo!

Funny avatar and wallpapers with funny quotes

Funny quotes about money

Funny quotes about money-smile!

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where shop.

If God only gave me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Funny famous quotes

Famous quotes by Henry Ford:

Don't find fault, find a remedy.

Money is like an arm or a leg - use it or lose it.

My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.

Funny avatar

Funny avatar with Santa Clause

Funny avatar or wallpapers-a funny photo of Santa Clause

Life quotes

Short funny life quotes:

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

Success consists of doing the common things of life uncommonly well.

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

Life quotes

Funny life quotes:

When people search for “Life Quotes” they are often looking for quotes about life. Why do the major search engines only give them hundreds of pages of commercial garbage about Life Insurance Quotes?

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Parents learn a lot from their children about coping with life.

Funny quotes and funny photo

A funny photo for funny avatars or wallpapers and funny quotes! Have fun!
Funny photo with funny life quotes-for funny avatars or wallpapers!Have fun!

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Funny photo and jokes

Funny photo and jokes about Christmas
A Funny photo with Santa Clause


 Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !

How do you tell the difference between tinned turkey and tinned custard?
Look at the labels!

A man went to a butcher's and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher, 'Do you raise them yourself?'
'Of course I do,' the butcher replied. 'They were only 50p a pound this morning!'

Funny quotes

Funny quotes
Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Funny photo

Funny photo-Well..the house isn't so big,but at least they have TV! LOL

Life quotes

Life quotes

We spend most of our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have, and to do.

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.

Sport and life is about losing. It's about understanding how to lose.

You learn about equality in history and civics, but you find out life is not really like that.

Famous quotes

Famous quotes by Winston Churchill

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.

It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

Famous quotes

Famous quotes by Oscar Wilde:

It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only people like stockbrokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties.

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world.

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.    

Funny photo

Really funny photo:Here isn't something sexy!

Funny quotes by famous people-Marilyn Monroe

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing.

A career is born in public - talent in privacy.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

Funny photo

A Funny photo with symbols of Texas

Funny quotes about life

Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.  

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. 

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

Life is an incurable disease.

Short Funny quotes

Few short Funny quotes
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Funny photo

Funny photo with Antivirus software

Funny quotes by famous people

 Many sayings of famous people became funny quotes.For this reason here will be a special category about fanny quotes by famous people.
   Funny quotes by Albert Einstein
 A person who never made a mistake,never tried anything new

 I want to know God's thoughts...the rest are details
 Two  things are infinite:the universe and human stupidity;and I'm not sure about the Universe!

 My life is a simple thing that would interest no one. It is a known fact that I was born and that is all that is necessary.

One need only think of the weather, in which case the prediction even for a few days ahead is impossible.

Short funny quotes

George Washington said: "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"
Well, swine flew!

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

I’m not a complete idiot–some parts are missing.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Funny photo

     A funny photo,made by my daughter in GIMP,for funny tshirt.

A funny photo with funny quotes

Funny quotes by Mark Twain

       Mark Twain wrote in his books these funny quotes:

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.   

Funny jokes

      Funny jokes for a funny Monday!Begin a new week with a smile!
The Priest ask:
John, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
 John reply:
No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
At the chemistry classroom
Teacher:Who knows the chemical formula for water?
A student:HIJKLMNO
Teacher:What is that????????
A student:Yesterday you said that the chemical formula for water is H to O! 

Have fun with Funny quotes

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
                                                                                                   Walter Mattbau
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.                                                            Michele de Montaigne

Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.                 Anonymus

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.      
                                                                                                                         Robert Orben

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
                                                                                 Les Dawson

Funny photo

Funny photo-Fat men dancing

Funny quotes

 A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted                                    Anonymus

 I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.                                         Madonna

 The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.                                                      Oscar Wilde

 Looking good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.                                                   Oscar Wilde

 A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.                                                                             Edward Abbey

    See more funny quotes to Funny market and have fun!

Funny jokes

How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway!

Funny photo

Funny math Teacher

Funny photo

Where should I go???

Funny jokes

 Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

 She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

 The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

 Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

 She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 Bob has been missing since Friday.

Funny photo

Where is the bird?

Funny polar Bear

Funny quotes

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.                                      Groucho Marx

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.                     Casey Stengel

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.    Jay Leno

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.                                        Steven Wright

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.                                                                  Mark Twain

Funny quotes

"An empty stomach is not a good political adviser."   Albert Einstein

"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself."   Albert Camus

"A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."      John F.Kenedy

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do."      Benjamin Franklin
"A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing." Oscar Wilde

Funny photo

Two dog dancing on the beach
An inteligent dog wearing glasses

Funny quotes

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"                                                 John Lenon

"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."               Anonymus

"A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused."       Shirley Maclaine

"He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed."                                                               Leopold Fechtner

"Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."     Anonymus

Funny quotes

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."                            Bob Hope

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."                                                                        Ronald Regan

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."                                                                     Albert Einstein

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."                                     Dean Martin

"An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep."          Anonymus

Funny quotes

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.          Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things!"           Homer J Simpson.

"I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."     Rodney Dangerfield

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."                                                                                              Calvin.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"     Unknown