Funny quotes about mariage

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

Getting married is like buying a car. Once you get it off the lot, you're sure you could have gotten a better deal!

Funny quotes and sayings

Save water. Shower with your girl friend!

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.


When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane!

Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.

Funny quotes

Have fun with these cool funny quotes:

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

Nothing happens until something moves.

Constipated people don't give a crap.  

Funny quotes about Santa Claus with funny pictures

This is a funny picture with the best funny quotes about Santa Claus that I have read.

Funny pictures with funny quotes about Santa Claus.Really funny quotes!

Funny quotes and sayings

Looking for fun?Funny quotes and sayings are maybe one of the best choices for having fun and smiling!

God,if there is any work around me..please remove it!!

Do not disturb I’m disturbed enough already.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles."

Beat the 5 o’clock rush – Leave work at noon.

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of …………. Lord-only-knows!

Funny sayings

Have fun and smile with funny sayings!

An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'

You can't have everything....where would you put it?

Always laugh when you can. It is cheapest medicine.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?

Funny quotes with photo

Funny quotes with funny photo.

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Really funny quotes

Below are few really funny quotes,maybe the best funny quotes that I have read!Have fun!

A smoking section in a restaurant is like a peeing section in a pool.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather.It moved to Finland. Now Santa Clause is missing!

All men are idiots and I'm married with their King!

Some people are only alive because it is ilegal to shoot them!

Sex isn't the answer! "Yes" is the answer!

Funny sayings

Have fun with short funny sayings:

Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat. 

Is reading in the bathroom considered multi-tasking?

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Funny quotes to make you smile

Short funny quotes which make you smile:

You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. 

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

Funny quotes about money

Funny quotes about money-smile!

The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax.

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor: Rich is better.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where shop.

If God only gave me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

Funny quotes and funny photo

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Funny photo with funny life quotes-for funny avatars or wallpapers!Have fun!

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Funny quotes

Funny quotes
Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Funny quotes about life

Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.  

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. 

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

Life is an incurable disease.

Funny quotes by Mark Twain

       Mark Twain wrote in his books these funny quotes:

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.   

Have fun with Funny quotes

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
                                                                                                   Walter Mattbau

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.                                                            Michele de Montaigne

Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.                 Anonymus

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.      
                                                                                                                         Robert Orben

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

                                                                                 Les Dawson

Funny quotes

 A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted                                    Anonymus

 I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.                                         Madonna

 The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.                                                      Oscar Wilde

 Looking good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.                                                   Oscar Wilde

 A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.                                                                             Edward Abbey


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Funny quotes

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.                                      Groucho Marx

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.                     Casey Stengel

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.    Jay Leno

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.                                        Steven Wright

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.                                                                  Mark Twain

Funny quotes

"An empty stomach is not a good political adviser."   Albert Einstein

"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself."   Albert Camus

"A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."      John F.Kenedy

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do."      Benjamin Franklin
 
"A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing." Oscar Wilde

Funny quotes

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"                                                 John Lenon

"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."               Anonymus

"A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused."       Shirley Maclaine

"He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed."                                                               Leopold Fechtner

"Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."     Anonymus