Life quotes

Short funny life quotes:

Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.

Success consists of doing the common things of life uncommonly well.

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

A perfect method of adding drama to life is to wait until the deadline looms large.

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

Life quotes

Funny life quotes:

When people search for “Life Quotes” they are often looking for quotes about life. Why do the major search engines only give them hundreds of pages of commercial garbage about Life Insurance Quotes?

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Parents learn a lot from their children about coping with life.

Funny quotes and funny photo

A funny photo for funny avatars or wallpapers and funny quotes! Have fun!

Funny photo with funny life quotes-for funny avatars or wallpapers!Have fun!

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Funny photo and jokes

Funny photo and jokes about Christmas

A Funny photo with Santa Clause

Jokes:

 Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !

Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !

How do you tell the difference between tinned turkey and tinned custard?
Look at the labels!

A man went to a butcher's and saw that the turkeys were 90p a pound. He said to the butcher, 'Do you raise them yourself?'
'Of course I do,' the butcher replied. 'They were only 50p a pound this morning!'

Funny quotes

Funny quotes
Men are like bank accounts.Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Funny photo

Funny photo-Well..the house isn't so big,but at least they have TV! LOL

Life quotes

Life quotes

We spend most of our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have, and to do.

When I hear somebody sigh, "Life is hard," I am always tempted to ask, "Compared to what?"

Life is what you make of it. Always has been, always will be.

Sport and life is about losing. It's about understanding how to lose.

You learn about equality in history and civics, but you find out life is not really like that.

Famous quotes

Famous quotes by Winston Churchill

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes.

It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary.

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.

Famous quotes

Famous quotes by Oscar Wilde:

It is very vulgar to talk about one's business. Only people like stockbrokers do that, and then merely at dinner parties.

I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

The man who can dominate a London dinner-table can dominate the world.

If one could only teach the English how to talk, and the Irish how to listen, society here would be quite civilized.

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.    

Funny photo

Really funny photo:Here isn't something sexy!

Funny quotes by famous people-Marilyn Monroe

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

A sex symbol becomes a thing. I hate being a thing.

A career is born in public - talent in privacy.

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.

Funny photo

A Funny photo with symbols of Texas

Funny quotes about life

Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.  

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep. 

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

Life is an incurable disease.

Short Funny quotes

Few short Funny quotes
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing.

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Funny photo

Funny photo with Antivirus software

Funny quotes by famous people

 Many sayings of famous people became funny quotes.For this reason here will be a special category about fanny quotes by famous people.
   Funny quotes by Albert Einstein
  
 A person who never made a mistake,never tried anything new

 I want to know God's thoughts...the rest are details

  

 Two  things are infinite:the universe and human stupidity;and I'm not sure about the Universe!

 My life is a simple thing that would interest no one. It is a known fact that I was born and that is all that is necessary.

One need only think of the weather, in which case the prediction even for a few days ahead is impossible.

Short funny quotes

George Washington said: "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"
Well, swine flew!

Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.


I’m not a complete idiot–some parts are missing.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

Funny photo

     A funny photo,made by my daughter in GIMP,for funny tshirt.

A funny photo with funny quotes

Funny quotes by Mark Twain

       Mark Twain wrote in his books these funny quotes:

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.

There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.   

Funny jokes

      Funny jokes for a funny Monday!Begin a new week with a smile!

The Priest ask:

John, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

 John reply:
No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

At the chemistry classroom

Teacher:Who knows the chemical formula for water?

A student:HIJKLMNO

Teacher:What is that????????

A student:Yesterday you said that the chemical formula for water is H to O! 

Have fun with Funny quotes

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn't pay the bill, he gave me six months more.
                                                                                                   Walter Mattbau

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.                                                            Michele de Montaigne

Why did God make man before he made woman? Because he didn't want any advice on how to do it.                 Anonymus

My wife never lies about her age. She just tells everyone she's as old as I am. Then she lies about my age.      
                                                                                                                         Robert Orben

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

                                                                                 Les Dawson

Funny photo

Funny photo-Fat men dancing

Funny quotes

 A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted                                    Anonymus

 I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.                                         Madonna

 The old believe everything; the middle aged suspect everything: the young know everything.                                                      Oscar Wilde

 Looking good and dressing well is a necessity. Having a purpose in life is not.                                                   Oscar Wilde

 A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government.                                                                             Edward Abbey


    See more funny quotes to Funny market and have fun!

Funny jokes

How do you keep a blonde at home?

Build a circular driveway!

Funny photo

Funny math Teacher

Funny photo

Where should I go???

Funny jokes

 Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

 She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

 The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

 Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

 She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

 Bob has been missing since Friday.

Funny photo

Where is the bird?

Funny polar Bear

Funny quotes

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.                                      Groucho Marx

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.                     Casey Stengel

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.    Jay Leno

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.                                        Steven Wright

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.                                                                  Mark Twain

Funny quotes

"An empty stomach is not a good political adviser."   Albert Einstein

"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself."   Albert Camus

"A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."      John F.Kenedy

"Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do."      Benjamin Franklin
 
"A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything but the value of nothing." Oscar Wilde

Funny photo

Two dog dancing on the beach

An inteligent dog wearing glasses

Funny quotes

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"                                                 John Lenon

"Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back."               Anonymus

"A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused."       Shirley Maclaine

"He's got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed."                                                               Leopold Fechtner

"Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."     Anonymus

Funny quotes

"Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle."                            Bob Hope

"A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah."                                                                        Ronald Regan

"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."                                                                     Albert Einstein

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."                                     Dean Martin

"An alarm clock is a device that wakes you up just in time to go back to sleep."          Anonymus

Funny quotes

I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.          Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"           Homer J Simpson.

"I remmember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."     Rodney Dangerfield

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world."                                                                                              Calvin.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"     Unknown